I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize