thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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