If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
