clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize