I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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