lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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