"it" just moved
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
