my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
two words...techno handjob
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize