He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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