what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
