Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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