I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
