i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
