there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
