Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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