went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
