Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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