the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
