i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
