so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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