if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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