tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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