I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
