I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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