if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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