That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
