Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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