Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
