yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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