I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
