I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
