Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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