Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
