I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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