i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize