just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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