i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
