There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
