grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Watching her eat just hurts me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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