well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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