OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize