I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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