We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
