i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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