Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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