i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
