I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
