I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
