Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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