hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
