I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
