I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
