I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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