Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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