Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
