when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
