: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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