are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I faked an abortion last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
