Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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