i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
