A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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