if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
