My cat gives me a boner
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
