oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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