he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I could fuck to npr.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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