Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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