someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
