She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
