woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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