Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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