just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
