You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
