My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
