i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
