just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
