my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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